Hi all, Glitch here. We're one month into 2025, and oh boy, what a month it has been for me. I genuinely don't remember the last time I was uploading art so frequently! I've relaunched Cyril the Cylinder into a brand-new project, which I've received positive feedback on from my friends. I've joined two new Discord communities, one for a game development studio and one that's about pixel art, and I've met a whole bunch of lovely people! And I've been posting to the BBS more than ever, with my goal to reach 1K posts by the end of the year.
However, unfortunately it hasn't all been happy for me. I've been going through a really bad time with my mental health lately, which is what the rest of this article will he about. I want to be open with the issues I am going through, so that anyone who's going through something similar knows they're not alone, and because I've been told writing down my thoughts and feelings can be a good thing.
If you don't wish to keep reading this article, that's absolutely fine; you should worry about your own mental health much more than mine! But if you really want to know what I'm going through, then read on.
Please note, this article contains several references to vomit and throwing up. If these are triggering topics for you, I suggest you stop reading the article here.
--
It all started back around the end of November last year. I had gone to sleep one night as usual, however I suddenly woke up around 3am. I didn't think much of it at first, since I tend to wake up at random times in the middle of the night anyway, but then I started to feel a sudden sensation of nausea. Now I initially thought that it was just a feeling of anxiety, since I've always been a bit anxious about vomiting, and so I tried to calm myself down. However, the nausea kept getting stronger, and eventually it got to the point where I accepted what was about to happen, and made my way to the toilet.
What followed was a whole slew of vomiting fits, one after the other, that only produced a tiny bit of vomit with each heave. Occasionally, I would choke on the vomit as it came out. My parents (yes, I still live with them) attributed the symptoms to Norovirus. In the end, the only way I could get it to stop and go back to sleep was by taking anti-nausea medication.
I eventually recovered from this illness, and went on with my life as usual. However, we now get to the middle of December. I'm enjoying a day in the city with my IRL friend, eating out and looking at video game shops, you know the drill. Afterwards, we walked back to his house, but just as I was standing outside his front door waiting for him to unlock it, I suddenly felt another intense wave of nausea, to the point I thought I was going to throw up again. I proceeded to sit on his bed, trying not to throw up and making very little movement, while he was trying to show me MeatCanyon videos. I eventually had to cut my visit short and drive myself back home because I was feeling so unwell.
The next day, I woke up and felt fine again. Hm, must have just been really bad anxiety, I thought to myself. I felt like going on a drive that day, so I hopped in my car and started making my way to another city in order to pick up a couple video games. However, as I was waiting in a queue, I started to think about the events of the day before... and the feeling of nausea started again. It was less intense than before, but it started again. I was thinking of turning around and driving myself back home, but I decided to soldier on and pick up my video games after all.
The difference is, after I got back home that day, I did not start to feel better. This was the start of a mental health crisis for me, that I'm still feeling the effects of to this day. Essentially, I grew a terrible fear of vomiting. I would feel constantly nauseous throughout the day, was reluctant to eat food (and when I did, it was in very small amounts), and had anxiety attacks of increased nausea whenever I felt like I was in a situation where I couldn't easily escape (such as showering, or being with family). This persisted throughout the Christmas period, so safe to say I did not have a happy Christmas (although I got a new duvet cover and an Xbox and PlayStation lamp, which was pretty cool).
After over a week of this, I eventually decided I couldn't get through this on my own and I needed medical intervention. I went to the doctor, and I was prescribed with antidepressants for the very first time. I had been considering taking antidepressants before for unrelated issues, but I was always reluctant as I didn't want to end up relying on them. However, this time I felt like I had no choice.
The first couple of weeks of antidepressants were rough; my anxiety increased, the nausea attacks started to get worse and I was essentially living in fear of vomit. I even ended up having to go back to the doctor to get additional anti-anxiety meds because things were that bad. Luckily after that, things started to slowly get better for me.
And this is where I am today. I'm slowly but surely learning to cope with my anxiety, and the antidepressants are slowly but surely starting to take effect. I'm nowhere near as anxious as I once was, although I still occasionally have rough periods (I had a very bad anxiety attack just a few nights ago, for example). However, I'm still not 100% there - I'm still not fully confident eating out in public or going to social gatherings, for example.
It's safe to say this has been a very life-changing experience. I'm only a fraction of what I once was in terms of mental strength, and I haven't really done much besides drawing and gaming since it started. However, that's not to say I haven't been getting better. I'm confident that with the help of both the antidepressants and my willpower, I'll be able to live a reasonably normal life once again.
If you've read this far, thank you. This is a blog post I've been considering writing for a while now, but today I decided to go ahead and just do it. I'd like to thank everyone who's helped me through this journey so far, both in real life and online - you know who you are. This has been a very difficult period for me, but I'm hopeful for the future.